Words just cannot express how much I love Kevin, the Voice of Desert Bluffs. I mean, how can you not absolutely love this smiling, happy man?
“I hugged this man, and he hugged me back. We shared a moment in this other world… I am just happy I am alive. I am happy my other is alive. You are alive. We…we are alive.”
“It feels good to have a crime-free tomorrow, doesn’t it? It makes any crimes that happen today feel justified.”
"Tuesday is work day. All Strexcorp-owned homes and businesses - which is to say, all homes and businesses - should work all day in their most productive and enthusiastic way. Work is how we all become better people! You do want to become a better person, right? You want to be valued. You want to have value. You want your value, numerically speaking, to increase? Then work! It’s work day!"
“There is a bright future ahead of us. It is so bright, blindingly bright. It is a future so filled with painful light that we have no choice but to close our eyes and walk serenely forward. And so don’t worry about where you have come from. Don’t worry about where you are going. Worry only about where your feet land in the now. Where are you standing, and how much work are you getting done where you are standing? What value are you adding to the world? What are you worth? Those are the questions you should ask yourself. And don’t forget if you forget to ask yourself - there will be people with clipboards who will come by soon to ask them for you.”
"Down markets mean people aren’t working hard, and if people aren’t working hard, that must mean they’re sad and lazy!"
“Delicious wheat. Delicious by-products.”
“My grandmother used to embroider pillows with the phrase “Reach your full productive potential!”
And then there’s his sass:
“Thank you, Lauren. You’re so helpful. With your words.”
Lauren: I’m pretty sure it’s implied that hard work is part of it, Kevin.
Kevin: I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for your feedback.
Kevin: And now, a word from our sponsors. Lauren?
Lauren: Thanks, Kev! Can I call you Kev?
Kevin: (chuckling, then serious) No, Lauren. By no means.
The point of life is getting shit done and being happy.
Let’s get down to business.
To outbid the huns!
Here I have some figures
and some facts and sums!
It’s the saddest lot you’ve ever bought
but if you bet on this one too
make you a buck
We must be swift as the stock exchanges
With all the force of a great tycoon
With all the strength of a thriving market
Mysterious as the Romney’s revenues!
I’m never gonna get this back
Say good bye to my salary
Boy was I fool in school for cutting STATS
This guy’s got them scared to death
Hope he doesn’t see my assets
Now I really wish I knew how to add!
Life is completely meaningless, and the key is not to give life meaning but to make life worth it.
Now more than ever, good citizens of the Desert Bluffs Greater Metropolitan Area. If you believe (make no mistake, you must), then stand with us.
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Don’t Cry For Me, Arthropoda: Studies Find Signs of Emotion in Spiders
Individual spiders have character and personality, according to a paper published by theProceedings of the Royal Society B. The paper, titled Individual personalities shape task differentiation in a social spider, gives details of a study into role allocation in spider societies.
It was previously assumed that individuals in social spider communities contributed homogenously, with all tasks, such as prey capture and colony defence, being performed equally by members.
The study focused on Stegodyphus sarasinorum, a permanently social spider occurring in India and some surrounding countries. Led by Lena Grinsted of Aarhus University in Denmark, over 600 spiders were marked and observed, with tests singling out boldness and aggression. Variances in response showed that individuals were suited to particular roles.
Individuals in the test group were highly related and of approximately the same age: the only variable was apparently their personality. The study suggests that task allocation is the result of character traits in individual spiders; personality does not appear to be shaped by random selection of task perfomance, therefore.
Character and personality are often attributed only to humans, higher order mammals, and birds. Now it appears that arthropods also have responses that could be considered emotional.
Photo: Stegodyphus sarasinorum spiders, marked for identification